New Designs and Life Changes

This month has been a hard month. My life is still going through some pretty large upheavals and changes. I haven't felt much like writing, and I wasn't sure why. I did finally figure out it is because I have been really quite sad. Now no one needs to worry about this or have any concerns. I am sure we all have times in our lives where we are profoundly sad. Part of my problem is that I don't feel that I can fully share what bothers me with anyone. My husband is going through much of what I am, and we talk a lot about it. However everyone needs an outside party so you don't overburden your spouse, in my opinion. I can share bits and pieces with many people, but I don't have that one girlfriend I can completely confide in. This is by no means a slam to anyone or a statement on the quality of my friends. It is a statement on my trust issues. I have a hard time trusting people. I used to be the most trusting person in the world. I figured everyone was equally trustworthy and I had few guards up. A few times of being crushed emotionally has pushed me to the other extreme of that. I really want to confide it all to a friend and have that support, but I am so guarded at this point that I am not even sure how to go about it.

I was lucky enough to reconnect with two of my friends from long ago. We are in different states now and that is part of the barrier to sharing everything. I want to confide in them, but just don't want to do it over the internet or even on the phone necessarily. I want to be in person with them and really connect again. I am going home for a visit in a few days and will see these friends, but is a quick visit home the time to bear my soul? I am not sure. I feel like it is maybe a time to reconnect and hug and just enjoy their company. When you are an adult and move away from your home and everything you have known, it is really hard to establish the deep friendships you enjoy with people you have known for a while. This is also one of my struggles. Here in AZ I have a frenemy who I try to avoid as much as possible, some acquaintances who don't really know me, and one friend who is pretty close to me, but still doesn't know most of me.

So my question to you is, are you lucky enough to have those close friendships? Or do you struggle to find someone to confide in. I really think even if you have the close friendships you still might hold a part of yourself back. Especially if you are a mother. We all feel judged and don't share the things that might have people thinking we are a "bad" mother. Lastly, what do you think of the new design? I felt it was time for an update. Happy Memorial Day to all.